brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize