he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
