He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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