It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
