You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize