Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My hand turned me down
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
