I like my sex mixed with concussions.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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