Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
