3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
