just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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