"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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