the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
