She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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