I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
