Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
