Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
