So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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