Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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