help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
