I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
