two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My balls are so social today.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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