If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
