ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
