she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
