He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
