We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It's just like the Real World with babies
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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