I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
