i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I haven't been this sober since birth.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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