Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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