Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
