there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
