How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
