and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize