I didn't shave. On purpose
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
