mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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