thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
