The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
