You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
