You made me cry and you don't even care
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
