I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
