so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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