I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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