My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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