Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
