Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
