In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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