finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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