you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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