Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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