i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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