people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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