Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
