i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
