Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
