the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
