I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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