I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
