i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
