he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
