Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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