I'm going to rape someone's good day.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
