were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Houston, we have a squirter
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
