I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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