dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
