we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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