In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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