I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
